Tuesday, July 30, 2013

More from Artifact Box 4 & 5

Box 4 yielded other treasures. A cache of unopened canvases with a few partial gems tucked in. But it was Box 5 that yielded the most treasure. I wish that I had time to upload everything. I have company coming and still have to run an errand before they come. And I don't know now if I am ready for company. I'd rather just sit and stare and indulge the feelings in my body right now.

My maternal Grandfather, Alfred and his wives. Gramma Ada, my mother's mother is in the green frame. And Gramma Olive is in silver. Gramma Olive is the one I knew. She and Grampa married when they were 71. I was a little more than 1. If anyone has to wonder where my Bohemian traits come from it is Grammas Ada & Olive. Gramma Ada died before I was born. From pictures I see that we have the same tastes in jewelry and color. Gramma Olive was a rebel. Grampa was the smartest person that I know and that seemed to trickle down to my cousins with a brief visit to me and my sister. Of course most all Gerbstadts in the world are PhDs and rocket scientists.... no kidding. I will grant you my sister an cousins did more to monetize their cranial gifts than I have. I rather like to be a curiosity. And Gramma Olive encouraged that.

The bloke on the right is my dad at graduation. Simple, hard working and a quiet thinker, Dad was one of those people who put one foot in front of the other and always came out okay.

Yep... my heart hurts a lot right now. I am rather terrified to go through life without them behind me. When it wasn't safe I could go to any one of them. If I couldn't see far enough down a chosen path, they stood a little taller with their experience and told me what was ahead. I need that right now. There are things that I need to do that some guidance and wisdom would make a bit less traumatizing. And I trust them implicitly. Other people... not so much. Someone is always looking to pull one over on each of us. And I don't want to go through that again. I can not stand not being able to trust.

But I don't. Burned too much, especially recently with people lying about me and purposefully trying to hurt me. And I haven't been allowed a defense. If I defend myself I risk my livelihood. I know the truth, straight from one conspirator's mouth. But no one wants to see the truth because the truth is hard and most people take the road that is well traveled and trampled.

I feel defenseless.
And I don't know where to find the protection or tools to defend myself and proceed.

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